Recently, a beloved community member passed away–retired Lower Lake Fire Chief “Uncle Phil.” At his memorial, people of all ages spoke of Phil’s impact on their lives. I sat there mesmerized by the deep sense of community. This, I thought to myself, is Lower Lake, people connected by stories and geography and love.
In the days after the memorial, I kept thinking about how crazy it is that parents and educators, many of whom were born and raised right here in Lake County, can’t seem to get on the same page even though we want the same thing–we all want local kids to be safe and healthy and thriving.
When I was a kid, God help me if a teacher or principal called home to report my bad behavior. My parents immediately sided with them. I knew how the world worked: it was grown-ups versus kids, and somewhere deep down I could admit to myself that it was probably for my own good. Even if I didn’t always like it, the world made sense. All the grown-ups in my world let me know I had to work hard, be kind, tell the truth, and if I didn’t, there would be consequences. I was expected to be accountable for my actions, and so was everyone else.
Things have changed. Where before, educators were given the benefit of the doubt when they called home to explain why a student was struggling or at fault, now they are met with suspicion or even hostility. This makes teachers think twice before calling home with any news–good or bad. The trust between parents and schools has been eroding, and COVID seemed to break some final unseen barrier. While some teachers and parents have wonderful relationships, many do not.
I’m not sure exactly how this change came about. Societal norms have shifted, certainly. But we’ve always had students who excelled academically and others who struggled. We’ve had students who used self-restraint and collaboration to address conflict and students who resorted to bullying or physical violence. None of this has changed.
Teachers know that parents are the final authority when it comes to their children. While educators can explain school rules and encourage certain behaviors, it’s up to parents to either support or undermine what teachers say. If parents excuse their children’s behavior and suggest teachers are wrong for holding them accountable, students will not take responsibility for themselves. When parents and teachers reinforce accountability, kids learn.
I’m definitely not suggesting that parents should accept everything teachers say without talking with their children. Of course parents should listen to their child’s version of events and ask questions to ferret out details that others may have missed. Ultimately, my goal is for parents and educators to work together to help kids be the best version of themselves.
There is so much good happening in our schools. When I became the superintendent of Konocti Unified several years ago, it was clear that we had a lot of work to do. We’ve made huge strides, addressing the low-hanging fruit. Our students are doing better academically and in many cases, they’re getting along better. But our work is far from finished.
Parents and educators need to agree on some sacred territory. How can we begin to build more trust? How can parents entertain the possibility that their child needs to change unproductive or hurtful behaviors, and how can teachers be open to new ways to contribute to a student’s success?
Speaking of sacred territory, we share our facilities with community groups because we believe our schools belong to everyone. If everyone believed the schools belonged to them, we wouldn’t be cleaning up messes or vandalism after these events. Years ago, if someone made a mess at school or broke something, everyone was expected to pitch in and clean it up or fix it. The way I see it, we are all responsible for taking care of our schools and we are all responsible for taking care of our kids. We all want our children to thrive. This is common ground we can build on.
My goal is for every student to be growing and developing, to feel a sense of belonging, and to have a measure of success. I also want every parent to feel proud that their student attends a Konocti Unified school, to feel welcome at their child’s school, and know that their ideas are valued and appreciated.
Although society today is different from the Lower Lake of yesteryear, the one people talked about at my friend’s memorial, I still believe we can build a strong sense of community and belonging. Our kids deserve it and I’m committed to working hard with educators, parents, and community members to get there.